Art of the Insane

ART OF THE INSANE

HELLO AND HELLO AND HELLO AGAIN AND AGAIN, I’M BILLY FLAMNIGAN AND WELCOME ONCE AGAIN TO ART OF THE INSANE AND TODAY WE’RE GOING TO BE DISCUSSING ONE OF THE MOST BEDEVILING PROBLEMS FACING THE BEGINNING OR EVEN AMATEUR PAINTER WHO WISHES TO REAP THE BIG PROFITS YOU CAN MAKE IN PRODUCING ART OF THE INSANE THAT IS SO LIKE THE REAL ART OF THE INSANE THAT ONLY A TRULY BEDEVILED INSANE PERSON COULD TELL THE DIFFERENCE WHICH MAKES NO DIFFERENCE AT ALL TO YOUR BANKBOOK OR WALLET.

TODAY WE’RE GOING TO LOOK AT THIS GUY ANDY WARHOL WHO’S AS POPULAR NOW THAT HE’S DEAD AS HE WAS WHEN HE WAS ALIVE AND PEOPLE HOPED HE WOULD BE DEAD SO THE PRICES OF HIS ART WOULD BE DRIVEN UP AND UP. NOW ANDY WARHOL WAS NOT INSANE. HE WAS MIRED IN THE DULL AND BORING WORLD OF FINE ART AND WHILE HIS INSTINCTS WERE AS INSANE AS THE NEXT MAN’S, HE NEVER COULD REALIZE THE BIG PROFITS HE MIGHT HAVE MADE IF HE HAD TURNED TO PAINTING JESUS ON LOCOMOTIVES OR CLOWNS WITH KNIVES. HE WASTED HIS BRIGHT TALENT ON DETERGENT BOXES AND PICTURES OF ACTORS, THINGS A TRULY INSANE ARTIST WOULD NOT LOOK AT TWICE. NOW YOU WOULDN’T WANT TO MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE, WOULD YOU? NOT ONCE, NOT TWICE. OF COURSE YOU WOULDN’T. ANDY WARHOL MADE FAME INTO ART, HOWEVER, AND YOU CAN DO EXACTLY THE SAME WITHOUT JEAPORDIZING YOUR STATUS AS INSANE AND PRICING YOURSELF SO FAR BELOW THE MARKET AS TO MAKE THE WHOLE PAINTING NOT WORTH YOUR WHILE.

NOW, HERE WE GO. LET’S TAKE A CANVAS AND I THINK THIS WEEK WE’RE AT THE POINT WHERE WE MIGHT MENTION THAT YOU DON’T HAVE TO PEE ON YOUR OWN CANVASES. NO ONE WILL KNOW IF YOU HIRE IT OUT AND THIS CANVAS WAS PEED ON BY A CERTAIN MEMBER OF MY FAMILY WHO WILL KILL ME IF I LET HER SECRET OUT. BUT SHE’S A GOOD WOMAN AND VERY SUPPORTIVE OF MY COLLECTION OF 16TH CENTURY CREAM RINSES AND HAMSTER TWIG CAGES. TAKE A COLOR FROM ANY TUBE ??? THERE WE GO . A LOT OF VIEWERS ASK ME WHAT COLOR IS BEST TO START WITH, BUT THEY MUST NOT BE WATCHING CLOSELY BECAUSE WHAT DO I ALWAYS SAY? IT DOESN’T MATTER AT ALL.

MAKE A CLOWN, I KNOW YOU KNOW HOW TO DO IT. LET’S HAVE HIM CRYING, I’LL USE SOME OTHER COLOR FOR THE TEARS ? AND LET’S HAVE HIM HOLDING A KNIFE, KIND OF WAVING IT AROUND. THERE YOU GO. AND JUST PUT A LOCOMOTIVE IN THERE. VERY DARK. JUST MIX A BUNCH OF THESE TUBES TOGETHER, THAT ALWAYS MAKES THINGS DARK . SOME SMOKE, MAYBE A LITTLE DETAIL OF THAT GUY IN THE RAINBOW WIG THAT’S ALWAYS AT HOCKEY GAMES??? THAT’S NICE NOW. SOME FLOATING EYES ??? QUITE DISCONCERTING ???

AND THERE YOU HAVE IT, SOMETHING THAT WILL INCREASE IN VALUE THE MORE FAMOUS YOU GET. SO START DYING YOUR HAIR AND GETTING SHOT BY ONE OF YOUR GIRLFRIENDS OR BETTER YET, PAINT ON ONE OF YOUR GIRLFRIENDS AS SHE SHOOTS YOU AND YOU DUPLICATE EVERYTHING MILLIONS OF TIMES AND BEFORE LONG YOU’LL BE THE TOAST OF TOAST ISLAND AND JUST AS UNHAPPY AS YOU CAN BE, PRICED TOO LOW TO COMMAND THE PRICES OF THE INSANE AND THE SUBJECT OF SO MUCH BORING COMMENTARY THAT CHILDREN OF THE FUTURE ARE PREPARING NOW TO BE BORED BY YOU AND YOUR ANTICS.

THIS IS BILLY FLAMNIGAN FOR ART OF THE INSANE.

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